remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
