can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
