she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
