Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
MIDGETS
????
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
