New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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