i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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