After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
