i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
