Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
