So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
