so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
