Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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