If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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