I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
