But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize