Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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