I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize