Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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