I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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