I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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