My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Still dying that you shit outside
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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