Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize