She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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