im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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