My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
