just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
