I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
