Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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