yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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