Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
