No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
