It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
