saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
