i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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