Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
