Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My penis needs a shock collar
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
