You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
