she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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