Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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