So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
