I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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