Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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