The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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