its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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