guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
