Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
