sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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