i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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