Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
