You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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