i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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