i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
