I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
