How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
home. puking in laundry basket.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
