we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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