so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
