Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Come see our sink grown plant.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
