I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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