i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You ate ashes out of my bong
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
