did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize