I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
