there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
