Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
