Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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