Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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