did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
