I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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