he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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