U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
