something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
