Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
