One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
