I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
