doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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